I think that there’s few things more primal than the urge to communicate, the pull towards intimacy, towards merger with one  another  and debilitating sense of individuation.  We feel so separate from everything and everyone, so alienated from ourselves and from other people. And this urge to communicate– or as Terence McKenna says:

This urge to language is an ecstatic activity of signification.

I believe language doesn’t fully fulfill the promise of making the other understand what one really means or feels. We, today, have at our disposal hundreds of app to communicate with one another through text, voice, video, holograms and VR and yet I can say with confidence that our search to find new and more real way will not end anytime soon. Though we may have advanced technologically to cater to this need to communicate yet the most powerful instrument of communication is still your own body and mind.

Today, I’d like to share with you some powerful techniques which can help you understand and build good relationships with anybody.

  1. If you want to catch the attention of a person you like, stare at something (an object) which is  directly behind his/her shoulders. Once you have caught the person’s sight, quickly look into his or her eyes and gently smile. It works flawlessly!
  2. If you know that a person is going to criticize you, the first thing you must do is try to sit or stand beside him or her. Just because of pure proximity, the person will relent and say less negative things about you, than if you were at a distance.
  3. Eating meals is always associated with peace and security or let’s say, that is how your body and mind recognizes it, as when we eat at home, surrounded by our own walls, you feel safe. That’s why, if you’re really worried about something, just chew some gum or have a snack. It will trick your brain making the impression that you are eating and there is nothing to worry about, so you will feel more confident and relaxed after a while.
  4. In fact, we can control our stress. When you are very worried, you begin breathing deeper, and your heart starts pounding faster. Try to force yourself to breathe calmer and balance your heartbeat. Trust me — it’s in your power.
  5. On the other hand, if someone yells at you, make an effort to keep calm, staying absolutely unreactive. The first reaction of a loudmouth is usually anger, which your behavior can provoke, but it will quickly subside. Then the next reaction will fade in — the sense of guilt for his or her defiant and aggressive behavior. Most likely, the insulter will be the first to ask for forgiveness.
  6. An old and proven method being used by many students in exams. They imagine that a professor is their good and close friend, so they feel calmer, and it becomes easier for them to find right answers to the questions. This technique is effective in other situations as well. Try it before an important job interview!
  7. If everyone in a group starts laughing at once, everybody instinctively looks at the person who they like most, or with whom they want to get closer. Therefore, observe everyone’s eyes after a successful joke — you will learn a lot.
  8. If your work is connected to people, it’s possible to «force» them to behave more politely and kindly. Put a mirror behind your workplace, so your interlocutors will always see their reflections. As a rule, people always try to look their best in a mirror and don’t want to see themselves as evil nor harmful. So, they will smile more for sure!
  9. In order to woo a person in your first meeting and get his or her sympathy, try to specify the color of his or her eyes when you meet. Eye contact always works effectively.
  10. People are drawn to those who are confident in themselves and their actions, so just show that you know what you are talking about (even if it’s not so).
  11. Initially, raise the bar while declaring any requirements or terms. Most likely, a person won’t agree to them, and refuse. However, he or she would definitely agree on the actual terms that you would offer later. People tend to cave in to your smaller request if they have denied you something bigger before.

When our mind is fearful, our bodies follow the fear and we experience the physical effects of stress. And we also know that stress changes our bodily functions and when left unchecked, can harm us is many ways. So it’s important for us to know how to use one (body or mind) to control the other, and use this to communicate more powerfully.

So I urge you to practice this ability with benefit — smile! Smile for no reason, and after a few seconds, your smile will become real and sincere. And if nothing else Smile for no reason, it confuses people.

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